Sometimes answers come after we act

Whether or not I should serve a mission felt like the biggest question of my life and no matter how hard I prayed and fasted, I couldn't seem to find the answer.

I wanted to serve a mission--I felt a pressing desire to share the love and joy I had found in the gospel with others--it felt like the only way I could even start to express gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the goodness that had filled my life.  But I was worried that if I served a mission, I would never get married.  Mostly I was worried that I would miss my chance to date Robert Blodgett--my crush of 4 years. 

Rob and I had been on dates whenever we were in town together since we graduated from high school.  But I had gone to Ricks College in Idaho, and he was at the U and then later on a mission in Mexico.  So while we wrote back and forth fairly regularly, we hadn't really had a chance to date.

He arrived home from his mission within days of my 21st birthday.   Coincidentally, I was in Mexico when he got home and on my 21st birthday.  While there, I stayed with a darling family and went to church with them and felt more than ever that I wanted to be able to teach others about the gospel.  When I got home, Rob and I went on a date.  It was long and nice and we talked a lot.  I told him that I wanted to serve a mission but admitted that I also wanted to date him.

He agreed that we could try dating and he would call me the next week.  But he didn't call.  In the meantime, I had been working on my papers.  I only had a bishop and Stake President's interview to complete.  As I waited for his call, I agonized about what to do.  I made appointments and went forward.

I felt good about a mission throughout, but there was an ounce of doubt.  I met with my bishop.  And then I met with my stake president.  As I finished that interview, the spirit washed over me and I just knew that going on a mission was the right thing.

That conviction helped me many times in the following months.  It helped me when a few weeks later Rob called and asked me out.  I was so excited to share with him that I had gotten my call to Bolivia-- it came in a week and a half!  (He admitted later that he thought I was lying and had turned in my papers before we ever went out and had a heart to heart about the decision.)  And it helped me through hard times on my mission too.

I left thinking that I had chosen a mission over Rob.  At the time I didn't even dare hope that I could have both.  I am so amazed I got them both!  They are the two single best decisions I have ever made.  And with each one I agonized if it was the right decision.  It wasn't until I acted upon them and went forward that my prayers were answered.  With each one, I am still receiving blessings and spiritual confirmations that I chose the right!

So the first lesson of my mission was--when in doubt, act!  If you are doing something terribly wrong, you will know.  Sometimes there are many right ways and it is your choice.  I often wonder what would have happened had I stayed home.  I'm sure it would have been good as well.  But oh I'm glad I went!